Coaching skills generally fall into two broad categories;
- Coach asking customized and responsive questions to clarify, explore, expand, or elicit further self-discovery by their coaching client.
- Coach sharing customized and responsive comments, informed by being present to what the coach is observing, hearing, seeing, perceiving, sensing, feeling, or intuiting. Such comments are offered to the client to respond to, explore, accept, reject, examine, or further reflect upon.
This article focuses on the second set of coaching skills under the broad category of “comments.” I use the concept of âcommentâ to refer to (almost) anything offered by the coach that isnât a question. (except for the next section on summarizing, reflecting back, paraphrasing).
Summarizing, reflecting back, paraphrasing are different than offering âcommentsâ
The âcommentsâ skill set is different from summarizing, reflecting back or paraphrasing, which means coach is saying words back to the client, yet in a more succinct way. Summarizing has itâs value for a client to hear something theyâve said, yet as a primary coaching skill may keep the client in the present, circling or cycling around the thing they are exploring. Rather than supporting the client to expand beyond their present way of thinking, feeling, acting, doing. Extensive summarizing may often be more for the coach benefit to ensure they âget it rightâ in what they are hearing.
Often, newer coaches extensively use summarizing. As they become more confident in their ability to hear more of what the client is saying, the coach can trust their ability to ask more open-ended questions, and offer more comments.
ICF Core Competency #7.11. Evokes Awareness 
The above ICF core competency sub-point #7.11. names this coaching skill set as; âShares observations, insights and feelings, without attachment, that have the potential to create new learning for the client.â
To further examine the wording of this coaching skill set;
âShares observations, insights, and feelings,â refers to offering, rather than telling the client. Coach recognizes the client might have a different experience than what coach is observing, intuiting, or feeling.
âWithout attachment,â refers to the coach having no investment in whether their client agrees with what the coach has shared. Which requires a presence of non-attachment, often observed by coach sharing in a âtone neutralâ manner. Which in turn allow the client to choose for themselves how to process and respond to what the coach has shared. If the client feels safe enough to disagree with what the coach shared, the coach has likely shared in a non-attached, tone-neutral manner.
âThat have the potential to create new learning for the client,â means the coach doesnât know whether there is meaning in what the coach shared, for the client. Such learning is in the direction of the client-determined focus area of the coaching session.
Some definitions:
An observation is defined (in part) as, âAn act of recognizing and noting a fact or occurrenceâŠ.â
An insight is defined (in part) as, âA perception of a situationâŠâ
A feeling is defined (in part) as, âAn emotional experience, which may also include bodily sensationsâŠâ
To acquire knowledge, one must study; but to acquire wisdom, one must observe.” ~ Marilyn vos Savant
Benefits of sharing âcommentsâ
One of the (many) benefits of working with a Professional Coach is the ability of the coach to hear or perceive something the client may not be aware of themselves. Or at least not be aware of until the coach asks the client a discovery-oriented question, or shares a comment.
A comment is often a way to observe what is occurring in the moment of a coaching session, and can support the client to understand more about how their way of communicating is being received by the coach. (This way of communicating may parallel other environments the client is in, outside the coaching session).
For example, a client who speaks fast, or for a longer time, may not have had a safe space for them to speak without being interrupted and the attention directed away from what they are saying. A client may speak more in the first few coaching sessions for this reason. Yet as the client feels heard, and safety to speak with their coach (because of the coach non-judgmental presence), The client may naturally begin to slow their pace of speaking. This is supported by the coach shifting from summarizing to asking more discovery-oriented questions, or offering comments, which require more consideration by the client.
In the case of a client who speaks fast, the client may benefit more from the coach observing how the client is speaking, rather than the coach attempting to paraphrase what coach has heard. If the coach interrupts instead of observing, there may be a missed opportunity for the client to learn something about themselves.
Once the client has paused from speaking, an example response by the coach might be, âI heard a lot as you spoke, and I have some questions Iâd like to ask you. Yet I have an observation if I can offer you and get your input first? [Client: Yes, okay]. Thank you. As you were speaking I noticed you were saying a lot of words, and they seemed meaningful to you. At the same time, after awhile I noticed I was holding my breath, and then started to feel confused. Iâm wondering if you have any sense of whatâs going on for you though?â
The above type of observation/sharing/offering often is more challenging for a client to answer, as they have to pause and reflect. Often a client will reveal an emotion, a belief, deeper information, a concern, or something else about themselves.
How to structure a âcommentâ
How to structure a âcommentâThe coach is fully present to what they are observing, intuiting, feeling, or sensing and uses some invitational phrasing which indicates the coach wants to share something.
There are three phases to structuring a comment:
- Set up of sharing a comment;
- Sharing a comment;
- After sharing a comment, coach offers invitation for client to respond.
Set up of sharing a âcommentâ
The coach gives a verbal invitation they have something to share, then waits for the client to respond in an affirmative manner, before the coach continues speaking.
While itâs rare for a client to say, ânoâ to hearing what the coach wants to share, itâs still a useful device, as it may prepare the client to be ready to listen to what the coach has to say. If the client says ânoâ or implies such with energy, perhaps in the moment the client is immersed in thinking, feeling, sensing or, exploring or integrating. In which case, coach remains silent until client indicates they are ready to hear from their coach.
Example set up statements might be:
Thereâs something Iâm observing as youâre speaking, wonder if itâs okay to get your input?
Iâm noticing a pattern, is it okay for me to share?
I have an observation, may I offer to you?
Thereâs something Iâm noticing, feel free to disagreeâŠ
I have a sense of something and I want to offer it to you and get your thoughts. Is that okay?
I have an intuition and Iâd like to check it with you and see how it might fit for you, okay with you?
After sharing a comment, coach may then say, for example:
[share comment] Having heard that, whatâs your response?
[share comment] How do you hear that?
[share comment] How do you feel about what I shared?
[share comment] Thatâs what I (hear, sense, intuit). Whatâs true for you though?
[share comment] What are your thoughts about that?
[share comment] How do you feel about what I shared?
[share comment] But how do you see it?
[share comment] Is there any truth in that for you, or not?
[share comment] Is that accurate for you though, or not?
[share comment] Iâm wondering if you see it this or another way?
Tonal invitation
It may be the coach tone of voice implies an invitation for the client to respond however they want to. Whatâs most often present is the coach offers their comment – in a tone-neutral manner â and most importantly remains silent while the client considers and responds.
Whatâs required by the coach to share âcommentsâ
Whatâs required by the coach to share âcommentsâThe Presence of the Coach is a key factor in how any comment is offered, including:
Coach offers versus tells. If the coach tells the client the coach thoughts, ideas, or opinions, the âspotlightâ has shifted to the coach. Another form of telling is if the coach weaves their ideas, advice or experience into their comment, and then makes their own connections about what the client has said. Coach is leading the client to the coach conclusions and shifted the âspotlightâ to the coach as expert on the client.
Similarly, if the coach shares their âcommentâ and then immediately asks a question, thereâs an assumption by the coach that what theyâve shared is true for the client. Coach has instead led the client to think about something else/next by immediately asking a question.
Coach is okay with being wrong. The coach has comfort with their perception or sensing not being true for their client. What the client thinks or feels is more important than what the coach thinks or feels.
Coach is comfortable with being silent. And giving space for the client to consider, process and respond however they want to.
Coach is unattached to what their client does with what the coach shares. The moment the coach has an attachment to the client âgettingâ something the coach says, the dynamic changes between coach and client. The âspotlightâ has moved from the client to the coach. Instead, we keep the spotlight on our client to the best of our ability throughout the session.
An Example
A client says: âIn team meetings, Iâm the quiet one. Iâm told Iâm supposed to speak up and contribute more in our meetings, that Iâm not doing enough to help the team solve the issues weâre facing. I do want to contribute, yet itâs not in my nature to just blurt out my thoughts in the moment. Mostly, I donât know how to get a word in unless I interrupt which isnât in my nature. Others will just talk over the person speaking. A few dominate the conversation.
I donât force my way into a conversation just to speak. Sometimes I feel stupid when Iâm asked for my opinion or a solution in-the-moment and I donât have one. I need time to think, and others say that Iâm not contributing enough if I donât have an answer in the moment.â
Some offerings by the coach might be:
âMay I offer something Iâm sensing? [Client: Yes] I sense some inner conflict, maybe even some feelings of hurt. Whatâs your sense though?â
âMay I ask about something I heard? [Client: Sure] I heard call yourself stupid, and there seemed something else present as you said that. Whatâs true for you though?â
“Thereâs something I noticed, can I share with you?â [Client: Mhm] When you said, âItâs not in my nature to just blurt out my thoughts in the momentâ it seemed there was some judgment about blurting. Whatâs your response to that?â
âThereâs something Iâm noticing, may I offer to you and get your thoughts? [Client: Okay] Feel free to disagree; my sense as you speak is that you may fear saying something wrong if you speak in the moment. Is there any truth in that for you, or not?â
Note: Given the client shared they are âthe quiet oneâ and âitâs not in my nature to just blurt out my thoughts in the moment.â A masterful coach will recognize this and be aware the client needs the same space in the coaching session for the client to further express themselves.
In Closing…
Formulating comments is something we can practice at any time, by formulating âcommentsâ from our daily experiences. For example, consider what you are observing, sensing, or feeling with someone in your personal or professional settings. Or maybe while watching a movie, series or documentary. Then practice how youâd share what you are observing in a tone-neutral, curious way.
âCommentsâ can illuminate more to the client about themselves; their ways of thinking, acting, feeling and doing. Which can facilitate self-discovery and self-awareness. Ultimately, coaching is about supporting the client to gain insight and awareness, to support them move forward with clarity, and confidence.
Written by Carly Anderson, MCC
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