Imagine meeting ten people with the same job title. How much do they actually have in common? They may share the same profession and role, yet each person brings a unique combination of background, experiences, values, identities, beliefs, relationships, challenges, and priorities. If we assume we already understand a person because of their role, we risk not getting to know the ‘real’ person who is right in front of us.
Every coaching client is different because the complex web of each person can never be fully understood by anyone else. We all have parts of our identity that are private to us, or thoughts we have that we don’t share with anyone. Consider for a moment what you know about yourself that others don’t know. Or what thoughts or feelings you have that you never share. Even if you describe that part of yourself, another person can never truly know what it feels like to live in your body, in your life, with your history and with your experiences.
Every person – every coaching client – is a Culture of One
Instead, think of every client as a Culture of One. Culture is 
not one characteristic. It is the unique combination of experiences that shapes how someone interprets what happens in the world.
UNESCO (United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization) defines Culture as, “the shared set of beliefs, values, customs, behaviors, and physical objects that a group of people learns, shares, and passes down from generation to generation. It acts as a collective guide for how people live, communicate, and see the world.”
If we apply that definition of Culture to one person at a time, we are more accurately recognizing the complexity of the person we are coaching.
The Assumption Trap
One function of our brain is to make meaning of what we experience, and often the meaning we make is inaccurate. We make assumptions based on our own past experiences, our own current experiences, on what others say or do, and what we believe to be true. Our brains have a habit of making connections and linking things together in an attempt to shortcut through the complexity. Then we apply that same logic to another person.
Yet similarities in our experiences doesn’t translate to the ‘same’ experience for another. We need to constantly question any assumption we have that people with similar characteristics think or act alike.
For example, two teachers of the same subject may have completely different teaching philosophies. Two engineers may have very different communication styles. Two parents may have children of the same age yet are facing very different family circumstances. Two people from the same region of a country may have very different values and beliefs. Two tennis players may have very different techniques and philosophies about how to play the game.
Categorizing people’s circumstances or experiences as similar or same as ours provides a shorthand approach yet never tells the whole story of another person.
The Mindset: Curiosity instead of Certainty
Two of the ICF Core Competencies in particular provide specific guidance on the mindset of a coach that demonstrate honoring each client as a Culture of One:
Core Competency 4: Cultivates Trust & Safety. Some of the sub-points include:
- 4.01: Seeks to understand the client within their context which may include their identity, environment, experiences, values and beliefs.
- 4.02. Demonstrates respect for the client’s identity, perceptions, style and language and adapts one’s coaching to the client.
- 4.03: Acknowledges and respects the client’s unique talents, insights and work in the coaching process.
- 4.06: Demonstrates openness and transparency as a way to display vulnerability and build trust with the client.
Core Competency 5: Maintains Presence. Some of the sub-points include:
- 5.01: Remains focused, observant, empathetic and responsive to the client.
- 5.02: Demonstrates curiosity during the coaching process.
- 5.06: Is comfortable working in a space of not knowing.
As coaches, we want to engage with our coaching client from a mindset of curiosity and openness. We have ‘uncertainty’ about truly knowing our client. Sure, we learn about our coaching client over many coaching sessions, and yet we only engage with them for a few hours per month. Our client has an entire life of experiences we will never know about.
The Practice of “Not Knowing”
As Professional Coaches, we want to bring our curious ‘not 
knowing’ mindset for maximum benefit of our client. This includes asking questions that allow the client to explore and deepen their understanding of themselves in their circumstances. And asking our clients about their definitions or meaning of words they use, not assuming we already know.
A mindset of “not knowing” is not ignorance. It is intentionally leaving room for discovery instead of relying on our assumptions and interpretations. We mentally shift from, “I already understand this person from my version of the world” to “I wonder how this person experiences their world?”
Some examples of not knowing:
- When you say you have imposter syndrome, what does that mean for you?
- What more can you say about being at a ‘crossroads?’
- What’s most important for you about being the new leader of your team?
Every Interaction Is New
When we work with a coaching client for months or even years, we can lessen our curiosity and think we know that person.
While we are aware of themes and patterns that emerge for our client, we also come to each coaching session with “not knowing” mindset of “Who is this person today?”
One common example is a client mentions what seems like the same thing in many coaching sessions – let’s say imposter syndrome. Instead of the coach ignoring because they think “we’ve discussed this many times before.”’ A curious not knowing approach might be, “Given imposter syndrome is something you have mentioned and explored in previous coaching sessions, what aspect would benefit you to explore today?” Then ask follow up questions to determine the outcome of today’s exploration. Further inquiry might be about the broader desire or vision the client has for themselves as they shift from imposter syndrome thinking to….?
We all make mental automatic shortcuts that influence our expectations without our awareness. A masterful coach will disengage from these shortcuts and instead self-question, “What assumptions might I be making before I’ve even heard this person’s story?”
Consider the following in regard to your coaching client/s:
- What assumptions am I making about this person based on past coaching sessions?
- What can I ask rather than assume?
- How do I continually attune my listening to what matters most to this person today?
- How comfortable am I with changing my understanding as I learn more about this person?
- How comfortable am I being curious versus being certain about a client?
In Closing…
The objective is not to become an expert on every culture. Instead, it’s to become skilled at meeting each person with curiosity, humility, empathy, and the willingness to learn from them, about them.
A central question to consider: How can I remember that every person I coach is a Culture of One?
By engaging from this mindset, we respect each person as the unique individual they are, with their unique combination of experiences, identities, beliefs, relationships, and priorities.
Written by Carly Anderson, MCC
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