A coaching session has at it’s core, a client-chosen focus and agenda. A professionally trained coach knows to ask their client a fundamental question near the beginning of each session, which gives the client choice about what they want to talk about.
Versions of this fundamental question include (yet not limited to):
- How would you like to use your coaching session today?
- What would you like to focus on in this conversation?
- What would you like to talk about that will give you the most value?
- What’s most important for you to explore today?
The coach then listens ‘intently’ to the client response, because often the client says what they want immediately, yet their coach might not hear.
Why doesn’t the coach hear what their client wants from the coaching session? That’s a good question. As a coach, consider what might be getting in your way of hearing what the client has said. I offer this; “The quieter you become, the more you can hear. ~ Ram Dass. There is more to hearing what the client says than becoming ‘quiet’ in oneself, yet that is certainly a good starting point.
The intent of this article is to support expanding coach awareness of how they can hone their listening, and in turn be more customized and responsive to what their client is asking for as the session focus. Coach may summarize back, and/or ask further clarifying questions, in order to further clarify the focus, and desired outcome. The coaching agreement phase is iterative, with the coach reflecting back what they hear, asking clarifying questions, and confirming with the client, as many times as needed.
Without a client-desired session outcome, a coaching session may be a nice conversation, yet in service of what? This article isn’t exploring all aspects of the coaching session agreement, however will give some other examples of what could be asked.
Generally, the client responds one of a few ways. I’ll call these a ‘preference.’
- Preference 1: Client immediately says what they want to focus on, and then gives background, or a story, to explain.
- Preference 2: Client begins by giving background, or a story, as context. Then says what they want to focus on.
- Preference 3: Client isn’t sure as they have a few things they’re thinking about, and may first need to verbalize what’s going on, before knowing what they want to focus on.
No matter how a client begins, their coach listens curiously with the intent to understand. Their coach respects each client preference for how they share, in this moment, in this session.
Often, a coach will not hear what the client wants to focus on in this session because the coach is listening to everything the client says in the same way. Instead, by listening for client ‘preference,’ the coach can support the client to more quickly (?) clarify their desired session focus, and use their coaching session time well.
Below are examples and further thoughts about the three ‘preferences’ given above.
Preference #1: Client immediately says what they want to focus on, and then gives background, or a story, to explain.
A client example might be;
“I think that thinking about vision for the future is what I want to focus on as I’m really excited about that. I’m at a place and space in time personally and professionally that I feel really settled. I have some clarity as far as expectations around work-life for myself and really I’m just kind of exploring what does it look like next in the future for myself, both professionally and personally.
I’m a little bit of a planner, a lot of a planner. So I like to really kind of massage an idea before I take any steps. But this is probably the most time that I’ve ever taken to reflect and massage and think about something, which is why I’m excited to really think about, I mean, next steps in my future.
Not like I am going over a huge milestone or anything, but I’m thinking that this might be a wonderful time to pivot into something adjacent to what I’ve been doing now, and I’d like to talk about that.”
The first thing the client said was they want to “think about vision for the future,” and were “excited about that.” The rest is more context the client has given. Yet it’s all about the client wanting to explore “next steps in my future.”
A follow up response by the coach might be a summary, for example;
“I sense your excitement as you said you want to think about a vision for your future. And also that you’re feeling really settled. To clarify your focus for this session is to explore what is next for yourself in your future, professionally and personally. Did I hear you correctly?”
Follow up questions by the coach might be:
- What do you mean by “massage an idea?”
- What’s it like to feel really settled, and also really excited for your future?
- How do you want to go about visioning your future in this session?
- As a result of having a conversation around visioning for your future, what would you ideally like to take away from this session?
Insider Tip #1
Capture the first words the client says when asked what they want to focus on in their coaching session. Once client has finished speaking -no matter how long that is – coach can ensure they haven’t forgotten the topic the client brought forward first. I write key words on paper, and let the client I may be doing that in the session, so as not to interrupt their speaking flow in the moment.
Preference #2: Client begins by giving background, or a story, as context. Then says what they want to focus on.
A client example might be;
“Yeah, I mean, I was trying to think about what’s the best use of time today, and I think it’s a little bit on theme. I mean, really just dealing with things that are out of my control has been kind of the theme of the last two years. And I think especially the theme today. So yeah, just how to move forward and how to cope and how to deal with things that I have no control over.”
The last thing the client says is they want to know ‘how to’ three times. Anytime a client says any version of this (how to…), I pay attention, because this is likely indicating the client focus for the session.
A follow up response by the coach might be a summary, for example;
“I hear the theme of out of control again, and has been part of many coaching conversations. Correct me if I misheard; it seems you want to focus on the aspect of control about how to cope and how to deal with things you have no control over. With an outcome of being able to move forward. Did I miss anything?”
Follow up questions by the coach might be:
- What does control mean to you?
- What’s an example of something you have no control over?
- When you say coping, how does that feel?
- If you were able to a different relationship with “control,” what would that do for you?
Insider Tip #2
As part of clarifying what client shares, consider asking the client to define their meaning for some of the concepts they share. For example using the above, “What do you mean by a theme?”
I listen very intently for when the client says any version of “how do I…” Other versions might be, “…that’s why I want to know how do I…” “…I don’t know how to…” Another version that is common is instead of “how to” the client says, “how do I…” I capture key words (on paper) the client says about “how to…” “how do I…” because I want to use the client words in response. Doing so, let’s the client know I’m listening to them, and using their words, which can also deepen trust by the client in their coach.
Preference #3: Client isn’t sure as they have a few things they’re thinking about, and may first need to verbalize what’s going on, before knowing what they want to focus on.
A client example might be;
“It’s been an interesting couple of weeks. I’ve had a lot of momentum on a few of my projects, which is good. And they’re actually kind of in competitive situations. So yeah, it’s been kind of an interesting balance of things are feeling better, my confidence is better. That doesn’t necessarily translate into money in my wallet right now, but it could be worse.
I’ve been thinking about this all morning. I mean, I think I’d love to talk about decision making. I’ve actually never really been in a position where I’ve had to really make decisions where I have multiple options. Usually I have one option, whether that’s job offers or in other projects that I’ve worked on in the past of you get a lot of no’s and one yes. So then it’s kind of easy to go on that path.
But now I have it on two projects where it’s like, oh, I have to really be strategic. And right now there’s no wrong path. So it’s like what’s the better path? And I’m a little scared to pick, to make the wrong decision. It feels like, I think it ties to uncertainty because, what if I make the wrong choice? Well, if you go down one path and it doesn’t work out, it’s like, oh, should I have done things differently? Should I have gone down the other path? Would that have led to the results that I want?”
A follow up response by the coach might be a summary, for example;
“I’m hearing you have momentum and your confidence is better, even as you balance competitive projects. Also hearing you have multiple options you want to explore, and that you are feeling uncertainty and scared of picking the wrong path, making the wrong decision, picking the wrong option. What would you change about that summary, if anything?”
Follow up questions by the coach might be:
- What do you know about the paths you’re considering?
- What’s at stake for you if you pick the wrong path?
- What’s the best that can happen if you pick the right path?
- How would you know you have chosen a “better path” for you?
- By exploring your options, perhaps using the concept of paths, what would you like to have as an outcome of this conversation?
Insider Tip #3
Consider letting the client know you’d like to ask some clarifying questions, in order to ensure alignment with what the client wants to accomplish around their topic. For example, “I have some clarifying questions about what you said, in order to align with you on what you want to explore and accomplish in this session. Is that okay if I ask you some clarifying questions?”
In Closing…
Consider practicing listening intently to what the client says from the very the beginning of each coaching session. The ability to summarize back to the client is of great value for the client to hear. (summarizing is different than repeating back ‘all’ the client shared). If not the ‘preference’ way offered in this article, what ways can you hone your listening abilities to hear what the client has already said they want, and easily summarize back to the client?
Written by Carly Anderson, MCC
Are you ready to upgrade your coaching skills, prepare for your next ICF credential, or renew your credential?
The Mentor Coaching Group Program is an ICF approved individual / group mentor coaching program. Approved for 30 of ICF Core Competency CCEs, including 10 hours of mentor coaching. For comparison between my MCC program, and Level 3, go to Q6 on FAQs page
Mentor Coaching Programs Now Open!
Group #82 PCC-ACC Mentor Coaching Program
commences September 9, 2025
Group #83 MCC Mentor Coaching Program
commences September 10, 2025
Visit this page for more information
I offer a rich, experiential mentor coaching group and individual program that has many exclusive offerings for participants. You can read some testimonials from real people,FAQs, or find out more about The Mentor Coaching Program here
I offer other products including The Upgraded Target Approach: Clarifying the ICF Core Competency Model, as well as Ten Characteristics of MCC Skill Level. And a very unique opportunity to hear 15 consecutive coaching sessions with one of my clients in the Butterfly on the Wall Coaching Series.
A long term experienced and continuously active MCC Assessor since 2005, assessing and mentoring for all 3 credential levels. Including being trained to assess using ICF ACC Behaviors, PCC Markers, and MCC Behaviors. As at February 2025, 212 of the coaches I’ve mentored for their MCC preparation have passed ICF MCC exam process, as well as hundreds of coaches passed their ACC and PCC exam process. I do my best to communicate ICF publicly available credential information in a simple manner. Mentoring Supervision clients have access to an incredible and exclusive member-only library that includes 40+ coaching recordings that have actually passed ICF MCC, PCC and ACC credential process.
I’m passionate about supporting the professionalism of coaching, which includes often engaging in ICF projects as a volunteer to continue to develop and evolve our profession.