Coaching skills generally fall into two broad categories;
- Coach asking customized and responsive questions to clarify, explore, expand, or elicit further self-discovery by their coaching client.
- Coach sharing customized and responsive comments, informed by being present to what the coach is observing, hearing, seeing, perceiving, sensing, feeling, or intuiting. Such comments are offered to the client to respond to, explore, accept, reject, examine, or further reflect upon.
This article focuses on the second set of coaching skills under the broad category of “comments.” I use the concept of “comment” to refer to (almost) anything offered by the coach that isn’t a question. (except for the next section on summarizing, reflecting back, paraphrasing).
Summarizing, reflecting back, paraphrasing are different than offering “comments”
The “comments” skill set is different from summarizing, reflecting back or paraphrasing, which means coach is saying words back to the client, yet in a more succinct way. Summarizing has it’s value for a client to hear something they’ve said, yet as a primary coaching skill may keep the client in the present, circling or cycling around the thing they are exploring. Rather than supporting the client to expand beyond their present way of thinking, feeling, acting, doing. Extensive summarizing may often be more for the coach benefit to ensure they “get it right” in what they are hearing.
Often, newer coaches extensively use summarizing. As they become more confident in their ability to hear more of what the client is saying, the coach can trust their ability to ask more open-ended questions, and offer more comments.
ICF Core Competency #7.11. Evokes Awareness 
The above ICF core competency sub-point #7.11. names this coaching skill set as; “Shares observations, insights and feelings, without attachment, that have the potential to create new learning for the client.”
To further examine the wording of this coaching skill set;
“Shares observations, insights, and feelings,” refers to offering, rather than telling the client. Coach recognizes the client might have a different experience than what coach is observing, intuiting, or feeling.
“Without attachment,” refers to the coach having no investment in whether their client agrees with what the coach has shared. Which requires a presence of non-attachment, often observed by coach sharing in a “tone neutral” manner. Which in turn allow the client to choose for themselves how to process and respond to what the coach has shared. If the client feels safe enough to disagree with what the coach shared, the coach has likely shared in a non-attached, tone-neutral manner.
“That have the potential to create new learning for the client,” means the coach doesn’t know whether there is meaning in what the coach shared, for the client. Such learning is in the direction of the client-determined focus area of the coaching session.
Some definitions:
An observation is defined (in part) as, “An act of recognizing and noting a fact or occurrence….”
An insight is defined (in part) as, “A perception of a situation…”
A feeling is defined (in part) as, “An emotional experience, which may also include bodily sensations…”
To acquire knowledge, one must study; but to acquire wisdom, one must observe.” ~ Marilyn vos Savant
Benefits of sharing “comments”
One of the (many) benefits of working with a Professional Coach is the ability of the coach to hear or perceive something the client may not be aware of themselves. Or at least not be aware of until the coach asks the client a discovery-oriented question, or shares a comment.
A comment is often a way to observe what is occurring in the moment of a coaching session, and can support the client to understand more about how their way of communicating is being received by the coach. (This way of communicating may parallel other environments the client is in, outside the coaching session).
For example, a client who speaks fast, or for a longer time, may not have had a safe space for them to speak without being interrupted and the attention directed away from what they are saying. A client may speak more in the first few coaching sessions for this reason. Yet as the client feels heard, and safety to speak with their coach (because of the coach non-judgmental presence), The client may naturally begin to slow their pace of speaking. This is supported by the coach shifting from summarizing to asking more discovery-oriented questions, or offering comments, which require more consideration by the client.
In the case of a client who speaks fast, the client may benefit more from the coach observing how the client is speaking, rather than the coach attempting to paraphrase what coach has heard. If the coach interrupts instead of observing, there may be a missed opportunity for the client to learn something about themselves.
Once the client has paused from speaking, an example response by the coach might be, “I heard a lot as you spoke, and I have some questions I’d like to ask you. Yet I have an observation if I can offer you and get your input first? [Client: Yes, okay]. Thank you. As you were speaking I noticed you were saying a lot of words, and they seemed meaningful to you. At the same time, after awhile I noticed I was holding my breath, and then started to feel confused. I’m wondering if you have any sense of what’s going on for you though?”
The above type of observation/sharing/offering often is more challenging for a client to answer, as they have to pause and reflect. Often a client will reveal an emotion, a belief, deeper information, a concern, or something else about themselves.
How to structure a “comment”
The coach is fully present to what they are observing, intuiting, feeling, or sensing and uses some invitational phrasing which indicates the coach wants to share something.
There are three phases to structuring a comment:
- Set up of sharing a comment;
- Sharing a comment;
- After sharing a comment, coach offers invitation for client to respond.
Set up of sharing a “comment”
The coach gives a verbal invitation they have something to share, then waits for the client to respond in an affirmative manner, before the coach continues speaking.
While it’s rare for a client to say, “no” to hearing what the coach wants to share, it’s still a useful device, as it may prepare the client to be ready to listen to what the coach has to say. If the client says “no” or implies such with energy, perhaps in the moment the client is immersed in thinking, feeling, sensing or, exploring or integrating. In which case, coach remains silent until client indicates they are ready to hear from their coach.
Example set up statements might be:
There’s something I’m observing as you’re speaking, wonder if it’s okay to get your input?
I’m noticing a pattern, is it okay for me to share?
I have an observation, may I offer to you?
There’s something I’m noticing, feel free to disagree…
I have a sense of something and I want to offer it to you and get your thoughts. Is that okay?
I have an intuition and I’d like to check it with you and see how it might fit for you, okay with you?
After sharing a comment, coach may then say, for example:
[share comment] Having heard that, what’s your response?
[share comment] How do you hear that?
[share comment] How do you feel about what I shared?
[share comment] That’s what I (hear, sense, intuit). What’s true for you though?
[share comment] What are your thoughts about that?
[share comment] How do you feel about what I shared?
[share comment] But how do you see it?
[share comment] Is there any truth in that for you, or not?
[share comment] Is that accurate for you though, or not?
[share comment] I’m wondering if you see it this or another way?
Tonal invitation 
It may be the coach tone of voice implies an invitation for the client to respond however they want to. What’s most often present is the coach offers their comment – in a tone-neutral manner – and most importantly remains silent while the client considers and responds.
What’s required by the coach to share “comments”
The Presence of the Coach is a key factor in how any comment is offered, including:
Coach offers versus tells. If the coach tells the client the coach thoughts, ideas, or opinions, the “spotlight” has shifted to the coach. Another form of telling is if the coach weaves their ideas, advice or experience into their comment, and then makes their own connections about what the client has said. Coach is leading the client to the coach conclusions and shifted the “spotlight” to the coach as expert on the client.
Similarly, if the coach shares their “comment” and then immediately asks a question, there’s an assumption by the coach that what they’ve shared is true for the client. Coach has instead led the client to think about something else/next by immediately asking a question.
Coach is okay with being wrong. The coach has comfort with their perception or sensing not being true for their client. What the client thinks or feels is more important than what the coach thinks or feels.
Coach is comfortable with being silent. And giving space for the client to consider, process and respond however they want to.
Coach is unattached to what their client does with what the coach shares. The moment the coach has an attachment to the client ‘getting’ something the coach says, the dynamic changes between coach and client. The “spotlight” has moved from the client to the coach. Instead, we keep the spotlight on our client to the best of our ability throughout the session.
An Example 
A client says: “In team meetings, I’m the quiet one. I’m told I’m supposed to speak up and contribute more in our meetings, that I’m not doing enough to help the team solve the issues we’re facing. I do want to contribute, yet it’s not in my nature to just blurt out my thoughts in the moment. Mostly, I don’t know how to get a word in unless I interrupt which isn’t in my nature. Others will just talk over the person speaking. A few dominate the conversation.
I don’t force my way into a conversation just to speak. Sometimes I feel stupid when I’m asked for my opinion or a solution in-the-moment and I don’t have one. I need time to think, and others say that I’m not contributing enough if I don’t have an answer in the moment.”
Some offerings by the coach might be:
“May I offer something I’m sensing? [Client: Yes] I sense some inner conflict, maybe even some feelings of hurt. What’s your sense though?”
“May I ask about something I heard? [Client: Sure] I heard call yourself stupid, and there seemed something else present as you said that. What’s true for you though?”
“There’s something I noticed, can I share with you?” [Client: Mhm] When you said, ‘It’s not in my nature to just blurt out my thoughts in the moment’ it seemed there was some judgment about blurting. What’s your response to that?”
“There’s something I’m noticing, may I offer to you and get your thoughts? [Client: Okay] Feel free to disagree; my sense as you speak is that you may fear saying something wrong if you speak in the moment. Is there any truth in that for you, or not?”
Note: Given the client shared they are “the quiet one” and “it’s not in my nature to just blurt out my thoughts in the moment.” A masterful coach will recognize this and be aware the client needs the same space in the coaching session for the client to further express themselves.
In Closing…
Formulating comments is something we can practice at any time, by formulating “comments” from our daily experiences. For example, consider what you are observing, sensing, or feeling with someone in your personal or professional settings. Or maybe while watching a movie, series or documentary. Then practice how you’d share what you are observing in a tone-neutral, curious way.
“Comments” can illuminate more to the client about themselves; their ways of thinking, acting, feeling and doing. Which can facilitate self-discovery and self-awareness. Ultimately, coaching is about supporting the client to gain insight and awareness, to support them move forward with clarity, and confidence.
Written by Carly Anderson, MCC
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